im very sleepy right now. Woke up at 9plus am when zana woke me up, and since i got nothing else to do and am on off day, i clean the house before i went out for to meet baby. And baby make me angry this few days. Really very geram can?prfftttt. off to pay his bike thingy and before that have our lunch together and go to the library. Tell you something, ive never do this for a guy before and that explain one of my love that im show-ing to you. :) He send me off and  he went off to s c h o o l and im very bored n gona sleep or maybe read that book now . Kembara cinta or what? :)

till than. love you.

Its been days since ive always with boyfriend. Never get sick of it but just hate it when we're planless. Both of us are selling anggur now. But he sells more cause im bz abit since im working another part time too hehe and that does not mean we can't survive. (: Well talking about work, money. I just feel that right now, saving is important to self. For medical or for urgent use and i wanna start saving. As over the years, i swear ive never once save up my cash. Even if i were to have few hundred or thousand, im still gona finish it. But i always let the people around me , the love one first rather than me. So yeah, im really dissapointed with blush. It was my happy hour working with them but due to some bitches, its okay. I always know where i stand.

love life update.- For the past few days we've been spending our time day and night. After what had happen, yes it hurts but im trying my best to forget it and yes ive long forgive . iI just feel that he dont love me deeply. I just feel that way and i know he love me. And i do really love him for who he is. Forgoodness, not for ur look or wealth. Its the heart that counts and thats me. I won't love someone for the sake of looks and try to fake myself to love him where else i don't. Thats not me. Bringing around my bf to show ppl, "my bf is hot or hensem". That wasen me. If im like that kind, i were already you know like girls nowadays who likes to "tengek" on bike like telling ppl or showing off ppl. I called them bitches and the way they sit really disguise me alotttttttttttttttttttt. opps . (: Anyway, oh yeah i admit im in a wrong too and im tring to change now. Because i really love him and only him, and i hope he feels it.

And so today and the day before, we have some little shopping since i got my pay. To vivo ytd with sister n him. To bugis and some quality time together.heh. Iloveyou okayyyy (: and we both have a hair cut just now! and i swear he look fucking cuteee.opppssss. i told youuuuuu, i prefer spike hair righttt . because u look younggg and neat! rather than ur oldddd long reborn hair?remember. heheheheheheheheheh. and my hair, i hate it. it feel so short! even tho its just t-r-i-m. prrrfttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt! never mind!at least my split end is dead and my hair will growwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww sooon! (:

and and guess what? IVE FINALLY BOUGHT SOME OF MY MAKE IT.THE BOUJOIS BLUSHER IS BACK AND I FINALLY GET IT EVEN THO I REALLY TOT OF GRABBING THE BODY-SHOP BLUSHER ! (: all those mascara . and i really really want more make up. ! im really happy okay. yey!!:)

hehehe. so anyway, here is the picture. He look cute right?:)hehehehe

and so thats gona be all but before i end this post, i just wanna say i love him more and deeply as day passes by. I really hope u feel me , feel the lovee that i have towerds you baby. Please don't play me out. Love me sincerely okay and more and deeply okay.i cant afford another lies and pain.please :(

and i believe, every human deserve chances. And no matter what happen, i don't bother about strangers cause i dont need them in my life. I need my boyfriend, family and close friends thats all. So yeah, that gona be all. Iloveyou b.

:)

and i hope you enjoy each and everytime being with me.

with love.

i know mistake were made between us two. When i feel that my strength is washing away, i close my eyes and took sometime to feel what i feel deep down inside my heart. Kills so much, past hunt me down thinking that im a failure. Im breathlless, like totally.. I feel as if im a loser in love, or maybe i still don't know what is the real meaning of love. It took me sometimes to cool down, and that is where i need moment of silence even tears keeps falling down. Fighting over my weaknest, i don't wana go through depression again. I don't wanna go through it again because it hurts me and kills me  so much. Its feel as if if mum's leaving her daughter for good. Do you feel me.I don't wanna bleed or have bruises all over my body. I don't wanna feel that today is the end of my day. It feels like nobody ever love me .It feels like nobody .. feel me.. i don't wana be back to that picture where its just me with a knife on my neck.

As i believe, everyone make mistake.Sinful Mistake that can be really hurtful . But i always believe that people will change and nobody is perfect in this world. Born to see the world, to taste each and everything that are here infront of us. I believe and have fate that people will change. Pointing back at me, i agree that whatever ever happen makes me weaker at times, but on the other hand it make me much more stronger. Stronger to face it and fight the weakest point that i have in me. I know im not a failure at the end of day. And i believe i can do it. Life journey is still a way longg to go.

as said, i know mistake were made between us two. I hope we both love each other sincerely. I hope we both love each other deeply and i hope we both love each other for who we are not for what we are or what we have. His  the apple of my eye. For what had happen, im loving him more. Im trying my best to make things better for us, and still stay no matter what. yes, its just threemonth new born baby u people can say. But we've been through alot. Alot to be noted down, on the another hand its just our personal love life thingy. I can say, both of us have our own good & bad thing. I can never say im perfect of his perfect. But i know, he's the best. (: His my best men that i have now no matter what had ever happen.

i've forgive every mistake . And i hope history won't repeat again in this relationship.

Tell me baby, if you wana stay on just for the sake of relationship.

tell me baby , if you stay on you just wana revenge.

tell me baby, if you stay on you just wana have fun.

You can have other girls heart to be played but not me. I don't deserve this cause i cant bear to feel cheated anymore. And you know what baby, When i look at youu and when im by your side, i just hope that we can never get apart cause i love you strong . And i love you much. & i can't afford to feel the pain of letting you go away from me.

i love you baby.Just only you and nobody else.

afterall, im thankful for the lifes we've made. For the relationship that we have now.

should i cut my hair short or just trim my hair and keep the length cause im having too many split ends and i feel that my hair is very heavy now and rosak rosak already. haahaa. how?

Due to heavy rain, i caught myself fluu minits ago. & its super irritating i can say. Whenever its cold, fluuuu will always come to me. Sigh, irritatingness and i hope it gets better later. Time checked : 6:22pm dad just got home.

am very bored now can?and my head very pening right now. I guess i sleep too much and i enjoy my beautiful sleep ytd night. Bcos the day before i only slept for like 2hours before im off to work and work was bored like hell, and i was super duper tired.. Seems like i'll be rotting at home today and the next two days later on. Cant wait on the 15th of jan. Yey! Boring or what.

anyway, im not proud of having a break-up. & im tired of it. Tired of breaking up. Tired of every silly things. I dont care if im gona grow old without having a men by myside and i dont think i need to know strangers or whatsoever because that wasen important at all. To kill boredom?That wasennnn ohhashlynn okayy. tsk~. i love my boyfriend can. He's wire lari now, i dont know what got into him. He just love to mention the word break up.

got it.

12:16am

Ive been having long days of off day and i am happy about it, but not that very happy i can say. why?1.can sleep late and have the whole night.2.broke planless. So yea, off till thurs and friday back to work. :) Ive just finished eating and just reached home from work and meet babylove since he pick me up. Im very tired n starting to feel sleepy now . And im very very full now because i just finished eating rice, than smoke than eat chocolate and smoke and i feel like vomitting now.yikeeeesssss! i realize that ive been eating alot during my off day  . I eat alot when im bored. eat alot as in keepon eating rubbish thingy like all those chocolate and etc. I feel that i am very heavy now. and i think that im growing fatter. And that does matter to me so i must control the things that i always wanna eat and eat and eat.

hmmm. i miss babylove. Ytd night was greattttttttttttttttt. and i miss him now can?How i wished you were here. But its okay cause there's always tomorrow (: He's off to meet his friend later and i hope you dont carik pasal okay because i know im gona sleep soon. Remember ytd you said we must sleep early today? So, just dont macam-macam okay and dont carik carik pasal okay. (: <3333333. i love you and i hope you dont play behind my back. I love you regardless of anything that happen. I love you still. I love you and i hope you love me sincerely. I love you and i hope you really really love me too.

anyway,

I was very angry just now.When i was on e bike with him, he "ter" tgk this chinese chick and her eye was on him. WHAT THE FUCK?well, i dont like that kind of eye contact. I dont care if people wanna say or baby wanna say i behave like minah when it comes to this kind of thing because this kind of thinggggggg make me turn into one at just one second. my mouth will just shot out all those ugly words . When it comes to girls + my boyfriend , i agree that my angry attitude is like one fucking typical minah cause thats me. so, dont mess with me okay with my boyfriend. i dont care what kind of minah people wanna say but that is me . I'll just talk and fuck none stop until im sastified. Like theres once , this girl can asked me to tell my boyfriend, " oh tell ur boyfriend i can date with him". and you know, i was talking like a jet train with vulgarities all over me. seriously its ugly but i just cant help me.urghh!sorry. i jusstttttttttttttttttttttt tk suke , tk suke! tk suke!!!!!!! blearghhhhhh....& You know, im that kind of always diam-diam type. I only shot when im really really angry. But than when people carik pasal with me, i always keep quiet and try to be patience but than i'll complain to my bf or whoever is talking with me . But once im really really fucking angry, than it gona be another story.its very very hard to see me really really really get very angry. Because i know i look very ugly when im very very very angry. And when i am very very very angry, i want you means i want you. And i dont wanna explain further. My secondary school mate and close friends should know how my attitude is like, right girls. :) So please, dont get involve with my relationship okay . thank you. :)

hmmmmmm. I just read sister blog. and im very worried about her. Since ive start working, im no longer by her side and spend time with her. Im very very worried because she's the only sister i have.  Pay day, im gona get her present. its a must. And i wanna make her happy and make her feel love to have a sister like me. Which means, i must be strict and on another hand pamper her alot. I love my sister. http://smelly-boxers.blogspot.com/ :)

till than,

i love muhammad rofian alot.

nights